#7 of 6

i ran past a wild turkey on my run yesterday and, now that i think about it, he was definitely flirting with me. the rapscallion!

i am off to a far corner of a state known as new hampshire to roast up a ballotine known as turducken. i will return tripping on tryptophan and stuffed with stuffing sometime next week. s’long y’all.

for bestiary: a myrmecoleon

the myrmecoleon is the result of mating between a lion and an ant. i have envisioned many a sex act in my day but i just can’t wrap my mind around the mechanics of this one.

trippy art by pollux

gas giants

some kids dream of winning an olympic gold. some have an oscar fantasy. occasionally, a little person may pine for a nobel prize. but not yours truly, as just a wee raynorling, i lusted after the gordon bennet international aëronautic cup, the trophy of the world’s oldest balloon race.

this article, an harrowing account of the first ever gordon bennet dirigible race (published in 1907) was responsible for igniting my aëronautic dreams, perhaps it will ignite yours as well.

here is another thing about the golden age of balloonery.

pocky men’s

because you know, as far as pocky goes, i prefer the variety that is specially formulated for my penisness.

is this a marketing thing (like luna bars and the dictionary of the khazars), a case of engrish, or confectionery misogyny?

baconian method

it’s every philosopher’s favourite parlour game and it’s sweeping the nation: six degrees of francis bacon!

from action philosophers #3 by fred van lente and ryan dunlavey (2007).

more here. also not to miss is this rendition of joseph campbell’s monomyth.

the end of an era (the 1300’s)

friends, i knew this day would eventually come and though i have been preparing for it mentally these last 5 weeks, nothing could brace me for the anguish i felt upon awakening this morning knowing that the archaic and provincial f-words series would soon meet its bitter end. i briefly considered word-blogging archaic e-words, but that seemed kinda arbitrary (plus: words that begin with e are lame).

[part the final: FOX-IN-THE-HOLE to FYLLOK]

• FOX-IN-THE-HOLE. A type of game where boys hopped on one leg and beat one another with or pieces of leather tied at the end of strings
• FOXY. Said of beer which has not fermented properly
• FRAME-PERSON. A visitor whom it is thought requisite to receive ceremoniously
• FRAM-WARD. In an opposite direction
• FRANCH. To scrunch with the teeth
• FRAZE. Half a quarter of a sheet of paper
• FREAMING. Said of the noise a boar makes in rutting time
• FREE-MARTIN. If a cow has twin calves of different sexes, the female is termed a free martin, and is said never to breed
• FRENCHMAN. Any man of any country that cannot speak English
• FRESCADES. Cool refreshments
• FRIMICATE. To affect delicacy; to give one’s self airs about trifles
• FRIPPERY. An old clothes shop
• FRODMORTELL. A free pardon for murder or manslaughter
• FROSLING. Any thing as a plant or animal nipped or injured by frost
• FRUITESTERE. A female seller of fruit
• FUCKWIND. A species of hawk
• FUDDLE. To intoxicate fish
• FUDGEL. An awkward child
• FUGLEMAN. A person who directs the cheering of a crowd or mob
• FULLAMS. False dice. There are high fullams and low fullams to denote loaded on the high or low number
• FULLOCK. To jerk the hand unlawfully
• FURCHURE. The place where the thighs part
• FYLLOK. A wanton girl

now, if you will allow me a moment to vent my despair, i will excuse myself to a public place and fullock like a chronic masturbator on a benzedrine bender.

the adventures of papa and bill continued

i feel that perhaps my post from yesterday has lead to the belief that i am of the mindset that papa hemingway and bill faulkner were twins separated at birth. indeed, i do think this and if the rigorous application of statistics to the sublime can’t prove it, our only recourse is exhumation. let us grab some shovels together and get ourselves to work!

the adventures of papa and bill

there are, as far as i am aware, two famous literary disputes about length involving ernest hemingway. the first was with his buddy, f. scott fitzgerald over the length of his wiener. the second was a dispute with his adversary, william faulkner over the length of the words they chose.

faulkner fired the first shot saying, “hemingway has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” which earned the following riposte from hemingway, “poor faulkner. does he really think big emotions come from big words? i know all the ten-dollar words as he does, but i prefer the older, simpler ones.”

i decided to chart the longest words in each of their major works and see if i could draw a non-scientific conclusion. the longest of all words was faulkner’s cinderstrewnpacked, which only appears in the dictionary of made up words that william faulkner made up.

additional data: the average word length in these three hemingway novels is 3.85 letters; faulkner’s average word length is 3.88 letters, which is statistically the same. 1.08% of hemingway’s words were 10 letters or more whereas 1.56% of faulkner’s were.

conclusion: hype. the top two 20th century american novelists were engaging in a literary pillow fight so they could ride the gravy train of book sales for as long as the public would allow.

emigre has finally released a mr eaves typeface and thus a new character is introduced in the exciting adventures of john baskerville & mrs eaves series.

also, this has allowed me to finally make use of the new sex position that i discovered a year ago.

previously.

audio books out of context #2

this is the second post in the audio books out of context series. posts in this series premier exclusively on the ragbag every ¾(π²√5)² hours. the next post is scheduled for wide release on november 29th, 2009 at 4:53 (eastern standard time). by that time, the original of laura will have dropped online and in bookstores. should you have attempted to read it, please keep in mind that nabokov’s ghost will most likely attempt to eat your soul.

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the previous post in the series was excerpted (rather rudely) from pillars of the earth by ken follet (1989). the proprietress of the alphalemon blog was the first to correctly identify this—for that, i bestow upon her my most sincere congratulations.