logopandecteision as many of you have read in the tabloids, i lost my virginity to rabelais’ the life of gargantua and pantagruel. what you may not know is that sir thomas urquhart, the english translator of the book was a rascally rascal in his own right. get a load of this shenanigan » Logopandecteision is a 1653 book by Sir Thomas Urquhart, disingenuously detailing his plans for the creation of an artificial language by that name. The book is written in several parts, most notably including a list of the language’s 66 unparalleled excellences; the rest is made up of rants against his creditors, the Church of Scotland, and others whose neglect and wrongdoings prevent him from publishing this perfected language. Urquhart was fond of this kind of very elaborate joke, sometimes so elaborate as to be taken by his contemporaries as in earnest. In this case, it is posterity which mistakes his intention. He promises twelve parts of speech: each declinable in eleven cases, four numbers, eleven genders (including god, goddess, man, woman, animal, &c.); and conjugable in eleven tenses, seven moods, and four voices. you can peruse this short book for $0.00 here; in these tough economic times, that is a deal that even you cannot lightly refuse.

logopandecteision

as many of you have read in the tabloids, i lost my virginity to rabelais’ the life of gargantua and pantagruel. what you may not know is that sir thomas urquhart, the english translator of the book was a rascally rascal in his own right. get a load of this shenanigan »

Logopandecteision is a 1653 book by Sir Thomas Urquhart, disingenuously detailing his plans for the creation of an artificial language by that name. The book is written in several parts, most notably including a list of the language’s 66 unparalleled excellences; the rest is made up of rants against his creditors, the Church of Scotland, and others whose neglect and wrongdoings prevent him from publishing this perfected language.

Urquhart was fond of this kind of very elaborate joke, sometimes so elaborate as to be taken by his contemporaries as in earnest. In this case, it is posterity which mistakes his intention.

He promises twelve parts of speech: each declinable in eleven cases, four numbers, eleven genders (including god, goddess, man, woman, animal, &c.); and conjugable in eleven tenses, seven moods, and four voices.

you can peruse this short book for $0.00 here; in these tough economic times, that is a deal that even you cannot lightly refuse.

October 28, 2009
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1600s language linguistics literature conlang

the blasphemous comma

in several editions of early king james bibles, luke 23:32 reads:

“And there were also two other malefactors [crucified with Jesus].”

A comma was accidentally omitted. it should have read “And there were also two other, malefactors [crucified with Jesus].”

this has come to be known as the blasphemous comma.

additional amusing bible errata can be found by pounding hard on this link.

October 20, 2009
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1600s anecdotes wordplay religion
an iris by any other smell some flowers are named after objects that they resemble, some are even named after the way that they feel, but my favourite flowers of all are the ones named after their odor. in this latter category none is more exemplary than the roast beef plant—an iris that is said to have a pungent beefy musk. In his English translation of Rembert Dodoens’s A New Herbal (1619) Henry Lyte, calling it `Stinking Gladin’, pulled no punches. He said that the leaves were “of a lothsome smell or stinke, almost like unto the stinking worme”. first butterflies that defecate butter and now plants that smell like roast beef!?! what a marvelous age of discovery it is for this indoor naturalist! i wonder if the roast beef plant goes well with armoracia rusticana.

an iris by any other smell

some flowers are named after objects that they resemble, some are even named after the way that they feel, but my favourite flowers of all are the ones named after their odor. in this latter category none is more exemplary than the roast beef plant—an iris that is said to have a pungent beefy musk.

In his English translation of Rembert Dodoens’s A New Herbal (1619) Henry Lyte, calling it `Stinking Gladin’, pulled no punches. He said that the leaves were “of a lothsome smell or stinke, almost like unto the stinking worme”.

first butterflies that defecate butter and now plants that smell like roast beef!?! what a marvelous age of discovery it is for this indoor naturalist!

i wonder if the roast beef plant goes well with armoracia rusticana.

September 29, 2009
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tags
1600s food herbal bomb

the international committee on sexological nomenclature

yesterday, i relayed a scintillating tidbit to you about how i became a hapless voyeur of some freaky-deeky raccoon sex. because of this i got several emails (brimming with the most puerile and base puns that one could imagine). but then i received this treasure (the capital letters are not mine):

Dear Raynor,

[blah blah blah]… as you are a self-proclaimed authority on animals, nomenclature, and sex, I was wondering if you could tell me if there are separate terms for the male and female sex acts (ie. the name for what the male does to the female and the name for what the female does to the male).

From,
[Anonymous Pervert #3]

to which i shall publicly reply:

dear anonymous pervert #3 (as well as numbers 1 and 2),

there’s actually much debate about this but a johns hopkins doctor has proposed the terms quim and swive. he writes:

In neither the standard English vocabulary of literature and science, nor the vernacular vocabulary of uncensored speech, are there terms by which to distinguish what the woman does to the man, in the procreative act, from what the man does to the woman. Terminologically, each is obliged to do the same thing to the other, whether it be poetically making love, politely copulating, metaphorically balling or screwing, colloquially fucking, or evasively getting some. None of this terminology is, however, truly androgynous. It all carries, in some degree, the implication that the male is the active partner who does something to the inactive, receptive female. He takes, and she gives—or at least passively acquiesces.

In the terminology of the barnyard and animal breeding, the same implication of the male as the active agent also applies. Terminologically, the bull services the cow, not the other way around. A detailed inventory of animal mating behavior, however, reveals a high degree of reciprocity. Thus, whereas the male mounts the female, it is equally true that she crouches or lordoses and presents to the male. In many species, moreover, it is the female that invites the male.

Quim’s …usage as a vernacular term for the female pudenda can be traced from the 17th to the 20th century, where it has survived in vernacular verse and humor. In its standard usage as a verb, it would mean, as here proposed, to take the penis into the vagina and perform grasping, sliding, and rotating movements on it of varying rhythm, speed and intensity. As a noun, a quim would be the name of the aforesaid practice.

Swive, meaning to copulate with a woman… was in standard English usage as far back as the 14th century. By the early 17th century, its status had changed to that of a vulgarism. Since the early 19th century, it has survived as a literary archaism, in some dialects, and occasionally in vernacular verse and humor. In its standard usage as a verb it would mean, as here proposed, to put the penis into the vagina and perform sliding movements of varying depth, direction, rhythm, speed, and intensity.

the author notes that these terms are not official and should be ” endorsed by an international committee on sexological nomenclature.” should such a preposterous committee actually exist, consider this my nomination to it.

from: the journal of sex research vol. 18, No. 2 (1982).

August 25, 2009
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animals sex words 1600s

sapless like a withered flower

wiener problems are embarrassing to write about but usually make for a very entertaining read. such is the case with john wilmot’s “the imperfect enjoyment” which tackles the heavy-hitting subject of premature ejaculation (or for discretion when talking about it with your doctor: pee period ee period).

proceed with caution: the following excerpt is enn-ess-eff-double-you in the way that only bawdy restoration poetry can be (it contains a very vulgar word that rhymes with cunt):

But I, the most forlorn, lost man alive,
To show my wished obedience vainly strive:
I sigh, alas! and kiss, but cannot swive.
Eager desires confound my first intent,
Succeeding shame does more success prevent,
And rage at last confirms me impotent.
Ev’n her fair hand, which might bid heat return
To frozen age, and make cold hermits burn,
Applied to my dead cinder, warms no more
Than fire to ashes could past flames restore.
Trembling, confused, despairing, limber, dry,
A wishing, weak, unmoving lump I lie.
This dart of love, whose piercing point, oft tried,
With virgin blood ten thousand maids have dyed;
Which nature still directed with such art
That it through every cunt reached every heart —
Stiffly resolved, ‘twould carelessly invade
Woman or man, nor aught its fury stayed:
Where’er it pierced, a cunt it found or made —
Now languid lies in this unhappy hour,
Shrunk up and sapless like a withered flower.

August 5, 2009
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tags
poetry sex 1600s
johns wilmot, depp, and malkovich there have been many fascinating characters to come out of english restoration but none are more intriguing than the poet (and johnny depp look-a-like) john wilmot, the second earl of rochester—a notorious rake known throughout england for his debauchery, dirty jokes, and drunken hijinks. yet he was admired by literary all-stars by the likes of tennyson, voltaire, hazlitt, and goethe. a listicle » he graduated from oxford at the age of 12 and earned a master’s by 14. he married a famous actress two years after he attempted to abduct her. he was briefly exiled by his friend and patron, king charles the second for writing a satire on charles which labeled him a sex maniac. while exiled, he masqueraded as the quack “dr. bendo”, a gynecologist specialising in fertility. he also assumed the role of “mrs. bendo” presumably so he could inspect young women privately without arousing their suspicions. he was renowned for drunkenness, vivacious conversation, and “extravagant frolics” as part of the “merry gang” a “mob of gentlemen who wrote with ease.” he died at the age of 33 from the effects of venereal disease and alcoholism. he was portrayed by johnny depp in the 2004 (direct to dvd) movie, the libertine. incidentally, john malkovich played king charles. an aside: the movie smells. UPDATE: a further aside: but the intro to the movie is rather marvelous.

johns wilmot, depp, and malkovich

there have been many fascinating characters to come out of english restoration but none are more intriguing than the poet (and johnny depp look-a-like) john wilmot, the second earl of rochester—a notorious rake known throughout england for his debauchery, dirty jokes, and drunken hijinks. yet he was admired by literary all-stars by the likes of tennyson, voltaire, hazlitt, and goethe. a listicle »

  • he graduated from oxford at the age of 12 and earned a master’s by 14.
  • he married a famous actress two years after he attempted to abduct her.
  • he was briefly exiled by his friend and patron, king charles the second for writing a satire on charles which labeled him a sex maniac.
  • while exiled, he masqueraded as the quack “dr. bendo”, a gynecologist specialising in fertility. he also assumed the role of “mrs. bendo” presumably so he could inspect young women privately without arousing their suspicions.
  • he was renowned for drunkenness, vivacious conversation, and “extravagant frolics” as part of the “merry gang” a “mob of gentlemen who wrote with ease.”
  • he died at the age of 33 from the effects of venereal disease and alcoholism.
  • he was portrayed by johnny depp in the 2004 (direct to dvd) movie, the libertine. incidentally, john malkovich played king charles.

an aside: the movie smells.

UPDATE: a further aside: but the intro to the movie is rather marvelous.

August 5, 2009
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tags
1600s literature poetry movies
a very crappy monster perhaps there is no monster more foul than the bonnacon which was described by pliny as a beast with a head like a bull and mane of a horse. he goes on to say how when the bonnacon is pursued, it expels its dung which can eject as far as three furlongs (over a half kilometer), and scorches anything it touches. (pliny does not mention anything about the bonnacon’s knackish grin as seen in the above illustration.) the picture above is from the bestiary of anne walsh (1633). you can find another (highly comical) depiciton of the monster in the aberdeen bestiary which dates to the 1500’s. UPDATE: there is also this (ultra-modern) version by leif goldberg. thank you craig!

a very crappy monster

perhaps there is no monster more foul than the bonnacon which was described by pliny as a beast with a head like a bull and mane of a horse. he goes on to say how when the bonnacon is pursued, it expels its dung which can eject as far as three furlongs (over a half kilometer), and scorches anything it touches. (pliny does not mention anything about the bonnacon’s knackish grin as seen in the above illustration.)

the picture above is from the bestiary of anne walsh (1633). you can find another (highly comical) depiciton of the monster in the aberdeen bestiary which dates to the 1500’s.

UPDATE: there is also this (ultra-modern) version by leif goldberg. thank you craig!

July 23, 2009
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tags
1600s ancient animals mediæval bestiary
oh snap! it’s a consciousness turf battle of metaphysical disses. step back, shawty lest you get caught in the crossfire.

oh snap! it’s a consciousness turf battle of metaphysical disses. step back, shawty lest you get caught in the crossfire.

July 21, 2009
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tags
1600s popular things to look at lit macro
the great bowel shift as i have not officially called off show and tell day, i am still receiving the odd submission. and thus i have recently received a hot lead on the great vowel shift from an internet celebrity of such magnitude that i’m not even going to say his name, nor am going to link to a picture of him in camo pants holding a dead snake. anywho, while i have always been captivated with the great vowel shift and the mystery behind it (which is referenced in the dinosaur comic above), my favourite part has always been the EXCEPTIONS and the eventual spelling fallout that would soon take place. wikipedia elaborates: Not all words underwent certain phases of the Great Vowel Shift. ea in particular did not take the step to [iː] in several words, such as great, break, steak, swear and bear. Other examples are father, which failed to become [ɛː] / ea, and broad, which failed to become [oː].Shortening of long vowels at various stages produced further complications. ea is again a good example, shortening commonly before coronal consonants such as d and th, thus: dead, head, threat, wealth etc. (This is known as the bred-bread merger.) oo was shortened from [uː] to [ʊ] in many cases before k, d and less commonly t, thus book, foot, good etc. Some cases occurred before the change of [ʊ] to [ʌ]: blood, flood. Similar, yet older shortening occurred for some instances of ou: country, could. if the history of the english language is your bag (it is the bag of the ragbag), you might enjoy the following (raynor recommended) books. they are written for the general public and are a real gas. the mother tongue by bill bryson (1990). the adventure of english: the biography of a language by melvyn bragg (2006). if you want to skip the foreplay and go right to the authority, then look no further than a history of the english language (5th edition) by albert c. baugh & thomas cable (1951).

the great bowel shift

as i have not officially called off show and tell day, i am still receiving the odd submission. and thus i have recently received a hot lead on the great vowel shift from an internet celebrity of such magnitude that i’m not even going to say his name, nor am going to link to a picture of him in camo pants holding a dead snake.

anywho, while i have always been captivated with the great vowel shift and the mystery behind it (which is referenced in the dinosaur comic above), my favourite part has always been the EXCEPTIONS and the eventual spelling fallout that would soon take place. wikipedia elaborates:

Not all words underwent certain phases of the Great Vowel Shift. ea in particular did not take the step to [iː] in several words, such as great, break, steak, swear and bear. Other examples are father, which failed to become [ɛː] / ea, and broad, which failed to become [oː].

Shortening of long vowels at various stages produced further complications. ea is again a good example, shortening commonly before coronal consonants such as d and th, thus: dead, head, threat, wealth etc. (This is known as the bred-bread merger.) oo was shortened from [uː] to [ʊ] in many cases before k, d and less commonly t, thus book, foot, good etc. Some cases occurred before the change of [ʊ] to [ʌ]: blood, flood. Similar, yet older shortening occurred for some instances of ou: country, could.

if the history of the english language is your bag (it is the bag of the ragbag), you might enjoy the following (raynor recommended) books. they are written for the general public and are a real gas.

if you want to skip the foreplay and go right to the authority, then look no further than a history of the english language (5th edition) by albert c. baugh & thomas cable (1951).

July 13, 2009
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1600s history mediæval raynor recommends show and tell day linguistics
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

dead poets

perhaps there is more to hip-hop than lusting after girls in apple bottom jeans and/or sipping a brand name rum as if in celebration of the day you were born. what of the 28 year old grad student studying the ancestors of modern rhymesters for the last five years of his life? is he not entitled to his own anthem to which he can put his own damn hands up?

baba brinkman has made the case that he is entitled to such an anthem and has crafted a very convincing candidate in “dead poets” from his 2006 album, swordplay. consider some of his savvy lyrics and make your own decision:

For a challenge I’m known to approach talent shows with
Poems that I stole from Edgar Allen Poe’s lips
Opium hits dope Alexander Pope’s wits
I was Samuel Coleridge in a trance when I wrote this
And I awoke with the whole song done
I felt the soul of John Donne; Andrew Marvel
Taught me to chase the sun; I can’t make it stand still
So instead I’ll make it run, with puns denser
Than Edmund Spencer’s, and modern lyrics
Modeled on Robert Herrick’s;

the two other audio posts on the ragbag can be found here.

June 17, 2009
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1600s audio literature music poetry

wordplay with numbers

a chronogram is a sentence or inscription in which specific letters, interpreted as numerals, stand for a particular date when rearranged »

The practice originated in the late Roman Empire and was particularly popular during the Renaissance, when chronograms were often used on tombstones and foundation stones to mark the date of the event being commemorated. For instance:

  • My Day Closed Is In Immortality: is a chronogram commemorating the death of Queen Elizabeth I of England. The initials read MDCIII, which corresponds to 1603, the year of Elizabeth’s death.
  • Christvs Dux Ergo Trivmphvs (“Christ the Leader, therefore triumphant”), on a coin struck by Gustavus Adolphus in 1627, gives MDCXVVVII or 1627.
  • In a work entitled Hugo Grotius his Sophompaneas, the date is indicated by the author’s name: Francis Goldsmith. This adds to 1652, the date of publication.
  • The earliest known chronogram is a Hebrew one occurring in the ancient scriptural manuscript known as the Codex Kennicott 89 which was written by Jacob Halevy. Here the Hebrew letters of the word Law yield the date 1208.
March 5, 2009
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esoterica math wordplay oulipo mediæval 1600s
metoposcopy, the pseudoscientific study of forehead wrinkles Metoposcopy was invented [in the 1600’s] by Girolamo Cardano, a physician and astrologer also responsible for the first clinical diagnosis of typhus fever.Cardano catalogued 800 distinct forehead configurations, each diagnostic of a different type of personality. (a) represents the brow of a peaceful man, (b) of a spiritual man, (c) of a man who will die a violent death, (d) of a successful soldier, (e) of a man threatened by an injury to the head, (f) of a poisoner. my forehead wrinkles match the (c) pattern exactly. oh noes! from metoposcopia (1658) via the former kirchersociety.org.

metoposcopy, the pseudoscientific study of forehead wrinkles

Metoposcopy was invented [in the 1600’s] by Girolamo Cardano, a physician and astrologer also responsible for the first clinical diagnosis of typhus fever.Cardano catalogued 800 distinct forehead configurations, each diagnostic of a different type of personality.

(a) represents the brow of a peaceful man, (b) of a spiritual man, (c) of a man who will die a violent death, (d) of a successful soldier, (e) of a man threatened by an injury to the head, (f) of a poisoner.

my forehead wrinkles match the (c) pattern exactly. oh noes!

from metoposcopia (1658) via the former kirchersociety.org.

January 27, 2009
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esoterica things to look at 1600s

to bake eeles

Cut your Eeles about the length of
your finger: season them with Pepper,
Salt, and Ginger, and so put them
into a Coffin, with a good piece of sweet
Butter. Put into your Pye great Razins
of the Sunne, and an Onyon minst
small, and so close it and bake it.

it looks as if i found the perfect recipe for tomorrow’s dinner party. can anyone lend me an eel coffin or a great razin of the sunne?

from john murrell’s a new booke of cookerie (1615)

January 23, 2009
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1600s esoterica food history wunderpantry mediæval
the book-fish from the book of days: On the 23rd of June 1626, a cod-fish was brought to Cambridge market, which, upon being opened, was found to contain a book in its maw or stomach. The book was much soiled, and covered with slime, though it had been wrapped in a piece of sail-cloth. It was a duodecimo work written by one John Frith, comprising several treatises on religious subjects. The treatises contained in this book were written by Frith when in prison. He was removed from thence to the Tower, and in 1533 was burned at the stake for his adherence to the reformed religion.

the book-fish

from the book of days:

On the 23rd of June 1626, a cod-fish was brought to Cambridge market, which, upon being opened, was found to contain a book in its maw or stomach. The book was much soiled, and covered with slime, though it had been wrapped in a piece of sail-cloth. It was a duodecimo work written by one John Frith, comprising several treatises on religious subjects.

The treatises contained in this book were written by Frith when in prison. He was removed from thence to the Tower, and in 1533 was burned at the stake for his adherence to the reformed religion.

November 25, 2008
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tags
animals days esoterica literature 1600s

our greatest grandfather

here are some words that i have been collecting that relate to family relationships. each term is the name for the father of the term preceding.

  • father
  • grandfather
  • ayel
  • besayle
  • tresayle
  • quatrayle
  • tritavus

your tritavus is your great-grandfather’s great-grandfather (and by extension and latinate first declension feminine endings, your tritavia is your great great great great great grandmother). it’s more than likely that that you and i share certain tritavorum tritavi (our gggggggggggg grandfathers). after all, we each have (at most) 16,384 or 2^14 tritavorum tritavi. and they were most likely doing their thing all the way back in the 1600’s.

October 30, 2008
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tags
1600s ancient esoterica lists math words