explicit subtext

i’m in a very public location now and there are scads of looker-ons gaping at my laptop screen. this is giving me a kind of blogging paruresis so i figure that now is as good a time as any to establish a code for all future posts so i can say things without actually having to say them (and thus keep the gaping looker-ons in the dark).

• if the amount of e’s in a post is a prime number greater than 101: that means that i am blogging under duress and whatever i write IS NEVER to be trusted.
  • i will use the keyword, borborygmi, if the nature of the duress is the threat of physical harm.
  • i will use the keyword, pope calixtus iii, if the nature of the duress is blackmail and most likely involves someone threatening to release an incriminating picture of me and a she-wolf named marla.
  • if the amount of e’s is a prime number greater than 101 plus or minus 1, that means i am being a filthy attention whore.
• if i ever refer to a she-wolf named marla, i am REALLY talking about my bitching pontiac (who is a baronessa named alessandra).
• should any of my posts ever contain a spelling or grammar error, that is a secret signal to you that i am getting dirty with a bottle of rye whisky.
• if i ever grumble that the citrus splash flavour of scope® mouthwash has been discontinued, that means i have just done something raunchy and depraved and am feeling very shameful.