for bestiary: a myrmecoleon

the myrmecoleon is the result of mating between a lion and an ant. i have envisioned many a sex act in my day but i just can’t wrap my mind around the mechanics of this one.

trippy art by pollux

for bestiary: a caladrius (a bird that can predict if a sick person is about to die)

according to legend, if the caladrius looks into the face of a sick man, he will make a full recovery. if the caladrius looks away, he will die soon thereafter (the caladrius is like punxsutawney phil in this regard but with higher stakes).

the caladrius also possesses the ability to absorb the sickness and cast it into the sun (using the same technique that superman does with nuclear warheads in superman iv: the quest for peace).

for bestiary: the surinam toad, an ugly frog that lays its eggs inside of itself

if you dare click play, eat some saltines® and get a bucket ready because watching the surinam toad give birth to toadlings will most likely cause uncontrollable retching. grosser still is how the eggs form like festering pimples on the lady-toad’s back. ahh… the miracle of life!

for bestiary: a quiffin (a hornless unicorn that lives in the øresund forests)

says my pal orson, “a hornless unicorn? that’s like ordering a virgin rum and coke.” perhaps orson, BUT CAN VIRGIN RUM & COKES FLY? i think not.

a real gas: try googling quiffin and see what term google thinks that you meant.

for bestiary: the fastitocalon (a turtle-whale the size of a small island).

a 4th century description in the physiologus explains this beguiling leviathan like this:

“There is a monster in the sea which in Greek is called aspidochelone, in Latin “asp-turtle”; it is a great whale, that has what appear to be beaches on its hide, like those from the sea-shore. This creature raises its back above the waves of the sea, so that sailors believe that it is just an island, so that when they see it, it appears to them to be a sandy beach such as is common along the sea-shore. Believing it to be an island, they beach their ship alongside it, and disembarking, they plant stakes and tie up the ships. Then, in order to cook a meal after this work, they make fires on the sand as if on land. But when the monster feels the heat of these fires, it immediately submerges into the water, and pulls the ship into the depths of the sea.

unrelated: is not the colour palette used by this illumination drop-dead delightful? i am going to kuler this so hard, so extra hard.

image credit: from ms. ludwig xv 3, by an unknown franco-flemish illuminator (13th century).

a very crappy monster

perhaps there is no monster more foul than the bonnacon which was described by pliny as a beast with a head like a bull and mane of a horse. he goes on to say how when the bonnacon is pursued, it expels its dung which can eject as far as three furlongs (over a half kilometer), and scorches anything it touches. (pliny does not mention anything about the bonnacon’s knackish grin as seen in the above illustration.)

the picture above is from the bestiary of anne walsh (1633). you can find another (highly comical) depiciton of the monster in the aberdeen bestiary which dates to the 1500’s.

UPDATE: there is also this (ultra-modern) version by leif goldberg. thank you craig!

i suppose that this was inevitable.

to note: “scientists” have informed me that these frankendogs ARE NOT to be called hybrids because that term is reserved for the offspring of different species. but then i told this “scientist” that forks and spoons are in the same species and nobody ever gave me any trouble calling a spork a hybrid. and then i said, “q.e.d.” and folded my arms like i was posing for the cover of g.q.

#5 of 6

the ass-camel

the legendary allocamelus (ass-camel) is one part donkey, one part camel, and all parts marvelous.

related: demian5’s when i am king.

for wunderkammer: an oliphant (a wind instrument from the middle ages made from elephants’ tusks or (allegedly) unicorns’ horns.)

i went to the boston museum of science today and stumbled into this exhibit about yeti, sea serpents, mermaids* and other fictional beasts.

fictional animals AT A MUSEUM OF SCIENCE? for reals? kids these days are going to be all kinds of messed up.

*preferred plural: mermaiden.

napoleon with the russian bear (1884)

golly, bears have evolved a lot since 1884. especially in the face region.