#7 of 6

i ran past a wild turkey on my run yesterday and, now that i think about it, he was definitely flirting with me. the rapscallion!

i am off to a far corner of a state known as new hampshire to roast up a ballotine known as turducken. i will return tripping on tryptophan and stuffed with stuffing sometime next week. s’long y’all.

#6 of 6

there were so many sheep terms (more than every other animal (rhinoceri excluded)) that i had a hard time choosing. here are the ones that didn’t make the cut:

• daglock—a clump of wool, clotted with dung on a sheep’s hindquarters
• eik—the sweat of a sheep in summer
• fank—a sheep’s pen
• flush—to fatten sheep
• geep—a sheep/goat hybrid
• riggwelter—a sheep that has fallen on its back and can’t right itself

#5 of 6

#4 of 6

the eagle is the patron saint of the city of philadelphia and a predator of the [embarrassingly wimpy] cardinal. its sense of sight is better than every other creatures’ (rhinoceri excluded) and its sense of fashion is better than, though very similar to, karl lagerfeld’s.

#3 of 6

the name ferret comes from the latin word for little thief. though they have been domesticated for seven and a half million years, it wasn’t until the 1970’s that ferrets gained wide acceptance as pets in the united states. they were popularized by veterinarian-to-the-stars, dr. wendy winstead, whose strategy went something like this:

1. de-stink by removing anal scent sack and neutering males.
2. put ferret in a swag bag and send to c-list celebrities like david carridine and dick smothers.
3. mark up the price and sell to d-list celebrities and the american public.
4. take the overwhelming profits and live the good life in cleveland, ohio.

#2 of 6.

additional info: rabbits were almost universally known as coneys until some jerkwad puritan thought the pronunciation (CUNNY) was too dirty. carl linneaus then gave them permission to call the thing a rabbit instead. at the same time, asses became donkeys, cocks became roosters, and the titmouse became the mammary-bird.

if josé canceso can be featured on a baseball card, why also can’t my favourite animals like the fox and the ferret? or more specifically—why also can’t words relating to animals be featured?

i have long been infatuated with the many specific terms applied to animals. it is only the frog who croaks and only the donkey that brays. deer travel in a herd, fish a school, wolves a pack, and crows (get this) a murder. there even exist specific names for animals’ tails, excrement, mating, birthing, and meat.

i am charmed by these terms not just because of their precision but because they recall an earlier time in human history when the animal (whether hunting it, breeding it, supporting it, or training it) was so predominant in the lives of a vast percentage of our ancestors. and so, as heirlooms they have bequeathed us these glittering gems.

and i have made them into baseball cards.

more here.