baconian method
it’s every philosopher’s favourite parlour game and it’s sweeping the nation: six degrees of francis bacon!
from action philosophers #3 by fred van lente and ryan dunlavey (2007).
more here. also not to miss is this rendition of joseph campbell’s monomyth.
emigre has finally released a mr eaves typeface and thus a new character is introduced in the exciting adventures of john baskerville & mrs eaves series.
also, this has allowed me to finally make use of the new sex position that i discovered a year ago.
make certain that there is NO liquid in your mouth when reading the last bullet or you will be doing a spit take worthy of groucho marx »
the graffito reads, “toy story 2 was o.k.!”
vartan gregorian elementary school, providence, ri (august 2009).
July 30, 1710
In the afternoon my wife and I had a little quarrel which I reconciled with a flourish… It is to be observed that the flourish was performed on the billiard table.
from how i became a famous novelist, by steve hely (2009).
the complete list (in genuine nyt fauxness) which also includes non-fiction best sellers can be found here.
in addition: you can tweet (as i have done) your own descriptions of fake best sellers with the #hely tag.
onemorething: here is another highlarryus list of other ficitonal books that appear in the life of gargantua and pantagruel.
![to craunch the marmoset »
English as She Is Spoke is the common name of a 19th century book credited to José da Fonseca and Pedro Carolino, which was intended as a Portuguese-English conversational guide or phrase book, but is regarded as a classic source of unintentional humour.
The humour is a result of dictionary-aided literal translation, [from Portugese to French and then to English] which causes many idiomatic expressions to be translated wildly inappropriately.
He is beggar as a church rat
Friendship of a child is water into a basket
Burn the politeness
After the paunch comes the dance
To make paps for the cats
Mark Twain said of English as She Is Spoke that “Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect.”
try the technique at home for FREE.](http://16.media.tumblr.com/3FZnoU8PUmitr0yu6sIJj72Fo1_400.jpg)
to craunch the marmoset »
English as She Is Spoke is the common name of a 19th century book credited to José da Fonseca and Pedro Carolino, which was intended as a Portuguese-English conversational guide or phrase book, but is regarded as a classic source of unintentional humour.
The humour is a result of dictionary-aided literal translation, [from Portugese to French and then to English] which causes many idiomatic expressions to be translated wildly inappropriately.
- He is beggar as a church rat
- Friendship of a child is water into a basket
- Burn the politeness
- After the paunch comes the dance
- To make paps for the cats
Mark Twain said of English as She Is Spoke that “Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect.”
try the technique at home for FREE.
“manifest destiny,” by tom toles, from the new republic (2004).
april fools!
a friend and i had an academic discussion about the origin of the euphemism, cornhole. basically, one of us thinks the name comes from the method of egress of the kernels, the other thinks it is from the method of ingress of the cob.
the internet gives both etymologies and the OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY (for some reason) has no listing for cornhole. therefore, i made us a web 2.0 poll so we can at least determine which etymology visitors of the ragbag think is correct (which is how all serious etymological disputes should always be settled).
you can vote for your favourite cornhole, american-idol-style, here.
and we should never forget his story…
In 1830, at the age of forty-two, a quiet unobtrusive, God-fearing man named Joseph Palmer moved to Fitchburg, Massachusetts. Normally, such an event would have caused no great stir in the community, the newcomer would have settled down and been accepted, and life would have gone on as before. Only one thing prevented matters working out that way—Joseph Palmer wore a beard. And in 1830 beards were not worn in Fitchburg. Had he been merely passing through or stopping off for a few days, he would undoubtedly have been merely an object of curiosity and perhaps some thoughtless finger-pointing. But he had come to stay, to settle among these people, to become one of them; and this was intolerable. The unthinkable had happened—Fitchburg was harbouring a non-conformist.
Derision changed to outrage and outrage to anger. Palmer’s windows were repeatedly broken, and somehow the culprits were never found. Women crossed the street to avoid him, and their sons threw stones at him. Even the Reverend George Trask admonished him; and eventually, all else failing, the Church refused him communion.
Shortly afterwards, Palmer was set upon in the street by four men, who threw him down, injuring his back, and attempted to shave him. Palmer managed to drive off the assailants with his pocket knife and was thereupon arrested, beard and all, for unprovoked assault. When he refused to pay the fine, he was imprisione for a year in Worcester.
But this was not the end of his story. In prison he nourished his beard and wrote letters, which he managed, with the help of his son, to smuggle out. The letters protested that he had really been imprisioned not for assault, but for wearing a beard. They were published in various newspapers, the case was widely discussed. public opinion shifted to his side, and Joseph Palmer and his beard became a cause célèbre. After a time, he became such an embarrassment to the local constabulary that they suggested he forget the whole thing and go home. He refused as a matter of principle, saying that if they wanted him out, they’d have to carry him out. And that is what they finally had to do.
Before he died in 1875, Joseph Palmer had the satisfaction of seeing practically the entire male population bearded, including the local clergy. Palmer’s tombstone, on which there is a likeness of his beard, reads: ‘Persecuted for wearing the beard’.
from fashions in hair by richard corson (1965)
an analysis of lonely island’s jizz in my pants
when i first saw the jizz in my pants video, i laughed so hard that i couldn’t stop squirting milk from my nose (and i wasn’t even drinking milk). thinking about it, i realised that its humor was derived from more than the utter baseness of it all—it was the crescendoing absurdity of the things that make the singers spontaneously orgasm and the well-timed way in which these items are presented.
this chart shows that not only are the items more and more absurd as time goes on, but also that the pacing is asymptotically frenetic. the only exception is that an alarm clock going off is a slightly more ridiculous orgasm agent than a warm breeze on one’s crotch (in my estimation). other than that, this video is definitely a valuable study in comedic timing.
i was feeling morbid this weekend and brainstormed some ideas for my epitaph. this is the leading candidate.
note: according to the picture, i won’t die until 2082. sweet! i’m having bacon for bedlunch every night.
after someone tells me about his day or the like, i exclaim loudly and with angry disappointment, “what the hell kind of erotic story is that?”
