a few weeks ago, i posted a venn diagram that i made on the topic of cutlery. for whatever reason, this struck a chord in internetdom which allowed me to come into contact with some pretty unusual characters who, like me, shared a fondness for either 1. venn diagramming or 2. hybrid cutlery. one of these individuals, my new friend tudza, offered to send me a splayd so that i might see its full hybridity first hand.

i have been using tudza’s splayd (this sounds like a weapon from world of warcraft) to eat every meal for the last two weeks (i even took it out to restaurants with me). the first thing i noticed was how formidable it seemed—it had the tines of poseidon’s trident and the angles of a stealth bomber yet the knife component was dull and awkward. was this utensil the cutlery singularity that i had been hoping for or an unwieldy chimera best suited for the wunderkammer of a mad hobbyist?

spooniness: because of its deep tines, the bowl of the splayd has about 60% of the volume of a normal spoon. i would trust it with chowder and maybe even cereal but trying to eat a thin broth would be like bailing out a sinking rowboat with a shot glass. it excelled at stirring, but so what? a stick can excel at that.

forkage: the splayd is certainly more fork than a spork is fork as its tines are much deeper. i was able to jab everything from tofu to turkey breast as if i were using a miniature pitchfork. it can hold anything that a normal fork can and i was even very close to developing a successful pasta twirling technique with it.

knifeability: i was skeptical about how much a knife that it is and my skepticism proved reliable (as per youzh). one could cut through mashed potatoes with it but smashed potatoes might prove too trying. there is no honed edge to the blade component and it is as blunt as a spoon. in spreading, it faired only moderately better and functioned like an unfamiliar butterknife with half the surface area.

were i to ascribe percentages i would say that the splayd is 50% fork, 40% spoon and 10% knife—which leaves the holy grail of hybrid cutlery (one third of each piece of flatware) still an unreached goal for which modern science may still yet strive.

a miniature pinscher and a norwegian elkhound walk into a bar…

while researching designer dogs, i came across this exhaustive list. true to hybrid naming schemes, it is profuse with puns and portmanteaux. a selection of the most ridiculous:

• American Eagle Dog (½ American Eskimo Dog  +  ½ Beagle).
• Bagle Hound (½ Basset Hound  +  ½ Beagle)
• Bea Griffon (½ Beagle  +  ½ Brussels Griffon).
• Beaglemation (½ Beagle  +  ½ Dalmatian)
• Belgian Sheepdoodle (½ Belgian Sheepdog  +  ½ Poodle)
• Borcolliebrit (½ Border Collie  +  ½ Brittany)
• Cardoodle Poogi (½ Cardigan Welsh Corgi  +  ½ Poodle)
• Foxy Rat Terrier (½ Toy Fox Terrier  +  ½ Rat Terrier)
• Miniature Pinschelkhound (½ Miniature Pinscher  +  ½ Norwegian Elkhound)
• Ratshire Terrier (½ Yorkshire Terrier  +  ½ Rat Terrier)
• Silky Jack (½ Silky Terrier  +  ½ Jack Russell Terrier)
• Toy Rat Doxie (½ Dachshund  +  ½ Rat Terrier)

NOTES: sadly the american eagle dog is NOT a dog/eagle hybrid. my favourite preposterous name is cardoodle poogi but the toy rat doxie has its merits.

i suppose that this was inevitable.

to note: “scientists” have informed me that these frankendogs ARE NOT to be called hybrids because that term is reserved for the offspring of different species. but then i told this “scientist” that forks and spoons are in the same species and nobody ever gave me any trouble calling a spork a hybrid. and then i said, “q.e.d.” and folded my arms like i was posing for the cover of g.q.

a hybrid font

there are a few notable typefaces out there that have both a serif AND sans serif treatment. even fewer are the fonts that attempt to bridge the divide with pseudo-sans and proto-serifs. rotis by top german designer, otl aicher is just such a font.

it is worth noting that the r in rotis is not meant to be capitalised since aicher, like yours truly, believes that capital letters are a sign of hierarchy and oppression.

in man’s quest to muck about with the natural order of things, he has turned his attention from utensils to the source of what they utend: ie. food. today’s set of hybrids are less about form and more about colour (recorded in appended photo) and taste and texture (not recordable in photos as of 5/21/2009). yet, as with all good hybrids, wacky names play a major role.

further notes.

half the fun of hybrid cutlery° is the peculiar names.

UPDATE: (6/15/2009) i now own a splayd of my own and have reviewed it here.

UPDATE: kottke & eatmedaily readers, should you ever be able to pry yourself away from gawking at the splayd, you may enjoy my other chart posts or food posts. you may also get a charge out of a selection of my other dispatches—[disclaimer: it is also very possible that you could find them tremendously boooooring (extra o’s added for emphasis).]

the ass-camel

the legendary allocamelus (ass-camel) is one part donkey, one part camel, and all parts marvelous.

related: demian5’s when i am king.