raynor ganan signature masala™

one of my 2012 goals is to create a raynor ganan signature masala™—a sekrit spice blend that people will want to flavor everything from their eggs to their popcorn with. to do so, i’ve been scouring the local spice markets for exotic ingredients from far off corners of the globe. i have a rudimentary concoction right now but i’ve come to a very important realisation: namely, while i know what spices i like, i have no idea how spices go together. to help me better understand the synergy among turmeric and thyme and coriander and cream of tartar, i developed this chart which breaks down established spice blends into their (sometimes) shared ingredients. and now i am one step closer to inventing the next ranch seasoning.

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on another flavor note: if you have any advice for me about what ingredients should go into the raynor ganan signature masala™, i would really really like to hear from you. perhaps you know of a rare local spice that the international flavor market overlooks. maybe you grow a special aphrodisiac mushroom in your basement and want to tell me how tasty it is. perhaps there was a fictional spice in a science fiction novel that you want me to investigate. let me know!

holiday’s

i was writing my moms a mother’s day card (using a cæesar cipher and invisible ink) when i got to wondering how mother’s day is supposed to be punctuated. is it:

• mother’s day (singular possessive)—a day that belongs to each mother
• mothers’ day (plural possessive)—a day that belongs to all mothers
• mothers day (plural attributive)—a day for all of us to honour mothers

it turns out that anna jarvis, the populariser of mother’s day was pretty specific with her apostrophe intentions, she stated:

it was to be a singular possessive, for each family to honour their mother, not a plural possessive commemorating all mothers in the world 

so that settles that. but what about other u.s. holidays—do they all get the same treatment? it turns out that they don’t and like other aspects of government, the spelling of holidays is fraught with inconsistency. therefore i made us this handy crib sheet so we won’t embarrass ourselves when writing future columbus day and st. patrick’s day cards.

note: unbeknownst to me, presidents day is not the actual name of the holiday—it’s washington’s birthday. since presidents day is not official, there’s no official way to spell it and we are left to the mercy of car dealerships and furniture store circulars.

also inconsistent: is how it’s st. patrick’s day but columbus day. 

then: there’s the odd case of veterans day.

finally: i would like to note that hallowe’en is a perfectly acceptable variant of halloween and therefore it is the only holiday that uses an apostrophe for purposes of contraction. 

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is it lame or cool to note that this chart is set in itc barcelona? donald says lame but donald wears black socks at the gym

thank you pierce for your unwavering enthusiasm for all things u.s.

hey grrrl

after my last post, i suppose me making this was an inevitability.

phenakistiscope party

did you hear about this thing called animated gifs? it turns out that they’re excellent for reanimating the persistence of vision phenakistiscope discs of the 1800s. in this disc created by john dunn in the 1830s (and reanimated by yours truly 179 years later), we get a chance to see the idyllic scene of a mom working on her biceps and a dandy dad demonstrating his jazz hands and rejecting the embrace of his eager baby over and over and over forever.

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original disc image provided by room 26 cabinet of curiosities.

summer is finally over!

there are only about 19 hours left of summer—so now’s your last chance to steal a smooch underneath the boardwalk or to “experience” the latest superhero movie and then pretend you had no idea it would be so supremely awful. all we have now to keep us warm during the cold, dark days ahead are the 12 words of the word summer series.

the annual challenge*: write a story about your 12 weeks of summer using the following 12 words of the word summer series.

1. crookle · to coo as a pigeon
2. pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis · a factitious word alleged to mean ‘a lung disease caused by the inhalation of very fine silica dust’ but ocurring chiefly as an instance of a very long word.
3. gossipry · a body of gossips
4. pulvil · perfumed powder for powdering the wig
5. enatation · an escape by swimming
6. lakke · one hundred thousand items, especially coins
7. ben trovato · of a story: appropriate even if untrue
8. gongoozler · a person who stares at anything for a long time
9. belgard · a kind or loving look
10. palpebrous · having large eyebrows
11. tyromancy · divination by means of cheese
12. polydoggery · the keeping of a number of dogs

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*if you take me up on this tempting challenge, let me know and i’ll link to your efforts in a subsequent post.

this is art

it went down like this: i was cleaning my desk and found an old drawing that i made in my “moustache” phase and thought i would post it to the internet and so that is what i did.

select non-verbal subtitles from the movie the bourne identity*

[ THUNDER ]
[ GUN COCKING ]
[ MAN SPEAKING GERMAN ]
[ ALARM BLARING ]
[ ALARM CONTINUES BLARING ]
[ MACHINE GUN FIRE ]
[ BOURNE SPEAKING FRENCH ]
[ BOURNE SPEAKING GERMAN ]
[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
[ HORNS HONKING ]
[ VOMITS ]
[ BAG THUMPS ON FLOOR ]
[ ELECTRONIC BEEPING ]
[ PAPERS RUSTLING ]
[ SIREN WAILING ]
[ TIRES SKID ]
[ BIRDS TWITTERING ]
[ HIGH-SPEED DIALING ]
[ SPEAKERPHONE FEEDBACK ]
[ GIRL GIGGLING IN DISTANCE ]
[ BOURNE BREATHING HEAVILY ]
[ GUNSHOT ]
[ GRUNTS ]
[ WOOD CREAKING ]
[ SHELL CASINGS]
[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]
[ TECHNO ]

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*in order of appearance. previously.

for wunderkammer: ancient greek lead sling bullets with a winged thunderbolt engraved on one side and the inscription “take that” (δεξαι) on the other.

other sling slogans include “ouch” and “for pompey’s backside!”

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photo source: wikipedia. more ancient greek fun with slogan embossery can be found here.

languages are you

just as the family in the swiss family robinson was not named robinson in the book, the 7 dwarfs from snow white and the 7 dwarfs also had no names until disney got involved. these now iconic dwarf aptronyms have since been translated into every language in which disney has found a market and i have made it my morning’s duty to translate them back.

i was reading an old book once that had the very curious phrase “translated out of german” on its title page. i assumed “out of” was just a colloquialism for the much more standard “from” but it wasn’t until i was discussing it with a friend that i learned what it actually meant. apparently the original text was written in latin, then translated into german, and the book i was reading was a translation out of it [into english]. it was the whisper-down-the-lane method of literature!

this dwarf chart is thus a translation out of various languages back to english.

ie. dopey (english) > cucciolo (italian) > puppy (english)

i used google translate for all the terms and was pleased at the proficiency of its engine. when i entered the list of 7 names, it would immediately recognise them as disney’s dwarfs and give me a perfect translation. entering each name separately, without context was the only way to get google to stumble.

you wonder how the utopian present leads to the dystopian future? i’m not totally certain, however it probably has something to do with google robots trying to foil my understanding of forest dwarfs and their associated personalities.

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i used this list and other online discussions to determine the dwarf names in other languages. obviously, the lists and my chosen translation service are not without error.